newest obsession

in my internet wanderings, i have recently stumbled across someone who i wish i had found years ago when i was trying to adjust to life with one breast.

of course, in looking at the timeline, i think we were going through similar experiences at about the same time (correct me if i'm wrong), so it might have been a case of the blind leading the blind.

in any event, as is often the case with me (please, keep your secret to yourself!), i found her too little too late for our big cross-country trip last fall.

and maybe it's lucky for her, because had i known about her, i would have dragged mike to brooklyn to meet her and admire her work, in my all-or-nothing stalker-esque style.

instead, i have initiated chatter, purchased two boob-free tops and two necklaces, with the intention of giving one of the necklaces to sally when we visit her and our friends in san diego in november and celebrate my five clean years (knock on wood!) and her year and a half (knock, knock, knock...).

all of this worry about the jinx (which, by the way, is a great name for a cat and will definitely be my next, i'm sure) reminds me of one of the first "real" cancer books i read and identified with--it takes a worried man, by brendan halpin.

somewhere in the book, he talks about how he and his wife wonder if her cancer is "payback" for all the shit they've talked about people in the past.

i used to belive in karma, but no more.

to this day, whenever someone says "what goes around comes around" i want to throttle them. i'd like to know what the hell i did to "deserve" cancer.

was i really all that bad?!