when did it all get so difficult?

we had my dad over for dinner last night, something we do every so often, which amounts to many times since we've lived here. and after dinner, he says, "that's the best meal i've ever had here." which i know he meant as a compliment, but which, in my reverting back to childhood ways, i heard as, "all the other meals you've made have been crap, but this one was good." and, to explain further, this was the first meal i've made that he didn't critique the hell out of (the thanksgiving stuffing was too dry, the swedish meatballs didn't have enough nutmeg, the waffles didn't come with a side of bacon, etc.). not only that, but he literally ate and left. in and out in under an hour. his health is deteriorating so rapidly now that i don't think he'll even be able to drive much longer. if i had enough money, i'd put him in a nice, expensive care facility so as not to worry about him. but i don't have that kind of money, and he's stubbornly independent, so i just worry all the time. i deal with the guilt of not being able to go to his apartment, because i can no longer stand to se the conditions in which he lives. after having a breakdown the past few times i was there, me and a friend of his cleaned his place from top to bottom (which really only brought it up to what i would consider messy) and less than a week later it was already 50 percent back to what it had been before. between his depression, eating disorder and heart condition, coupled with his depression-era pack-ratting behaviors, i'm surprised he hasn't been thrown out of his apartment. and now, in the wake of katrina, i'm wondering what i do with an obese, can barely walk, lives across town and is on an oxygen tank father if something were to happen here and we had to evacuate. we may not have kids, but we have two parents that are becoming more and more dependent on us. when i look in the mirror, i don;t see a grownup, but god i feel old.