light and dark

that's how it's been today outside. one minute the sun's out, the next it's gray and cloudy and dark. kind of like my moods lately. one minute i'm happy and relaxed, the next i'm stressed about money and vacations and work. i almost got sucked into watching 54 this morning. i think i've seen the whole movie in bits and pieces, but never all in one sitting and in order. so i found this cool string bracelet craft project to make for cynthia and sally for when we visit them in san diego, and i found it in, of all places, martha stewart living (a magazine i would never subscribe to but was given a subscription as a gift from my m-i-l--was it a hint?). to me, martha and oprah are the same type of person--one who pretends to be all kind and compassionate but is really just an egomaniac. i'd like to send martha, oprah and dr. phil to an island and let them chat each other to death. so my column this month (http://www.insidepublications.com/pdf_stories/06-02/Go%20Your%20Own%20Way%20206.pdf) has been getting a lot of emails. and one of them really bugged the shit out of me. some 33-year-old mom sent me a big long email that reads:I cannot say that I share your experiences on friendship, but I felt compelled to respond. And though I generally disagree with many of your comments, I do agree on one. When it comes to friendships, it may be in your best interest to lower your expectations. I am a 33 year old women who has 12 wonderful girlfriends. Seven of these true friends, best friends. I take no credit for these relationships. I try to be a good listener and a shoulder to cry on at best. But I must be doing something right, because I have been friends with 6 of these women for 20 years. Even though I've flown "under the radar" for weeks, sometimes months, at a time. Not because I don't value their friendships, but because life happens. I'm a wife, a mother of two (and I do have extensive conversations with my friends about my children, as most proud mothers do, because they are a HUGE part of my life), I work part-time go to school part-time, and try and lead a life beyond all of the priorities. At the end of the day, the only thing I want to do is sit and relax with my husband, who is also my best friend, and talk, watch TV or share a glass of wine. The best part of it is that I know in the end, that my friends understand. I know this because they tell me. Last week I met up with some friends to grab a bite to eat, and when I apologized for not calling them back what they said was this: "You don't ever have to worry about calling me back...I know how it is". And I believe them because I feel the same. I've gone without speaking to one of the maids of honor in my wedding for 6 months, sometimes longer....and she lives in the same city! And instead of getting a scolding, she invited me to her bridal shower. And I went. We often do what you said your husband does with his friends. Pick back up where we left off. And I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me. To know that she understands. To know that she doesn't disown me because of this. To know that she doesn't judge me. To know that she gets that even though I value her friendship (without a doubt), life happens. Their is only so much time in the day, only so many days in a week. And before I know it, months have passed. But I will say this, when we get together it's as if no time has passed at all. It's not the quantity of time, it's the quality. so much about her email bugged me, but i didn't want to get into a tit for tat with a "reader" so i sent her a quick reply: i think it boils down to perspective. after all i've been through, i choose not to lower my expectations; instead, i seek out friends who treat me as i treat them.i also got a response from a breast cancer survivor who said she felt the same way i did, and an 83-year-old man who said he's antisocial and he likes it that way. oh, and last night mike said, "eleven years ago i met a partier and now i'm married to an old lady." of course, i was in bed at 6 p.m. when he said this.