so many good shows

so little time! that's right, the new season of tv started and oh my god are there so many good shows to watch. i was watching the o.c. last night and mike came running in the room because he heard a bob mould song playing on the show. i really do need to get a job in the tv industry so i can have an excuse for all the tv i watch. i honestly can't remember the last season that tv started out this good. although i am mad at alias for killing off my man, but still, i'll watch. i can't not watch. and the faux-tivo i have makes it so easy to record so many shows, so now i feel like an addict because all i want to do is sit and watch the tube all day. at least i'm getting out for my long walks every day, but as for work, well, let's just say i'm glad it's been slower lately!

frenemies

so i found out two days ago that one of my friends (who helped me get started freelancing) is now trying to steal work from one of my best clients. she used to work for him and hooked me up with him as well, and then about a year ago she stopped working for him and now she just emailed him a few days ago saying she wanted to work for him again, and basically could he give some of the projects he gives me to her instead. and the beauty is, he and i are on such good terms that he told me and then he told her no. with friends like these...

when did it all get so difficult?

we had my dad over for dinner last night, something we do every so often, which amounts to many times since we've lived here. and after dinner, he says, "that's the best meal i've ever had here." which i know he meant as a compliment, but which, in my reverting back to childhood ways, i heard as, "all the other meals you've made have been crap, but this one was good." and, to explain further, this was the first meal i've made that he didn't critique the hell out of (the thanksgiving stuffing was too dry, the swedish meatballs didn't have enough nutmeg, the waffles didn't come with a side of bacon, etc.). not only that, but he literally ate and left. in and out in under an hour. his health is deteriorating so rapidly now that i don't think he'll even be able to drive much longer. if i had enough money, i'd put him in a nice, expensive care facility so as not to worry about him. but i don't have that kind of money, and he's stubbornly independent, so i just worry all the time. i deal with the guilt of not being able to go to his apartment, because i can no longer stand to se the conditions in which he lives. after having a breakdown the past few times i was there, me and a friend of his cleaned his place from top to bottom (which really only brought it up to what i would consider messy) and less than a week later it was already 50 percent back to what it had been before. between his depression, eating disorder and heart condition, coupled with his depression-era pack-ratting behaviors, i'm surprised he hasn't been thrown out of his apartment. and now, in the wake of katrina, i'm wondering what i do with an obese, can barely walk, lives across town and is on an oxygen tank father if something were to happen here and we had to evacuate. we may not have kids, but we have two parents that are becoming more and more dependent on us. when i look in the mirror, i don;t see a grownup, but god i feel old.

i'm back

and i have no great cosmic excuse except laziness. my back is no better, and it turns out i have not one, but two herniated discs, one pressing into my spinal cord and the other bulging to the left, which explains all the left leg probs i've had for the past few months (feels like years). i know i'm not supposed to complain about little shit, being a cancer survivor and all, but this has really been a pain in the ass. and i feel like everyone (including mike and my docs) think it's no big deal precisely because i am a survivor. yes, i'm grateful to be alive. but i'm so sick of being in pain. i know, it could always be worse. now i'm stuck in red-tape limbo while kaiser gets their heads out of their asses and refers me to an acupuncturist and their "pain management" clinic. in some ways, it's deja vu of when i found my lump. only instead of being told i'm too young to have cancer, i've been hearing i'm too young to have a herniated disc/back problems. so now, once again, i'm being shuttled around and ending up in a place where i'm the youngest and healthiest (except for the cancer and hernias, that is). i guess between the hot flashes, osteoporosis and back pain, there's not much chance of ever getting of all my meds. all right, now i've gotten all the whining out of my system.

another weird occurence

at cafe bernardo. this time, mike and i were there for breakfast yesterday, and who did we see? none other than gunther! the back story--mike and i used to go to taco loco all the time (like every friday) when we first started dating. i lived around the corner, the food was good and we were broke. so there was a guy who worked there that always used to smile at me and then scowl at mike. we started referring to him as gunther, in reference to rachel's gunther on friends. back to yesterday. so we walk in and i'm deciding what to order and mike keeps poking me and mumbling. well, it turns out he's mumbling, "there's gunther! there's gunther!" i look up, and gunther's walking away into the back of the restaurant. then he turns around and comes back, and i see him looking, so i smile, and he walks over to me. this is a guy that has only smiled at me from afar for the last 10 years--i don't even know his name. so he walks over and i say, "hi! good to see you! how long have you worked here?" so he says,"six months. it's good to see you too." and we both smile and that's that. he turns away and i turn to mike, and mike has this goofy smile on his face and laughs because in total gunther mode, he completely ignored mike. we order, sit down, and later this girl who also works there comes in with her baby/toddler boy. so she's saying hi to all her employee friends and ordering food to go, and gunther walks out and hugs her. turns out she's his wife! and then he brings his son over to our table to introduce me to him, doesn't introduce me to his wife, and ignores mike again. needless to say, his son, diego, is adorable. but i feel like an ass because i don't even know the guys name. when his wife and kid leave, he goes back to the kitchen again (i think he's a sous chef or something). so i have a shocked look on my face, and mike totally calls me on it. why am i bummed that gunther is married? or more importantly, why is he so clearly gunther over me when he is married. then mike says, "she kinda looks like you. i bet they're gonna have good sex tonight--until she asks him who you are."