techno-phobe

i have a love/hate thing with technology. i love it because it enables me to succumb to my biggest vice--tv--and i hate it because when it's not running smoothly, things quickly turn to crap. take this new computer i'm using, the same computer that my poor husband spent 10 hours yesterday setting up for me before finally quitting from sheer exhaustion. it works fine, but it's not quite the same as my old, trusty one. so now i have to learn/relearn everything, and i'm buggin. on the flip side, our new dvr is fab! and so idiot-proof, even i can use it. i'm already recording more crap than i'll ever have time to watch, but that's the beauty of it. and now that we've gotten our hands on an ipod over the weekend, that's the next techno gadget on our list to buy. what's funny is we were one of the last kids on the block to get a dvd player, and now we're all netflixed and dvred and new computered and gettin an ipod. and this is coming from a girl who's still bummed that her new car's stereo only has a cd player and no tape cassette player.

what's with all the ships/boats?

why did two of my fav lj-ers recently go on a ship/boat? is that why i've been itching to go on a cruise--something i've both never done before and never thought i'd want to do? but yes, i have been looking into it, because i believe it is the only way i will be able to do one of the top 10 things i must do in my life--swim with dolphins. and since i refuse to fly in this lifetime, looks like a cruise to meheco is in order. maybe i can even talk mike into doing it for our five year this year, but i doubt it. i'm very much a live for today cause you never know about tomorrow, and i tend to spend my money according to that philosophy, so i guess it's a good thing that he's more conservative--otherwise we'd be broke! but when it comes to trips, i say we suck it up and blow the dough. our cross country trip is never gonna happen otherwise. and neither will my swimming with dolphins. i also want to go sky diving, which i think may happen next year for my birthday. until then, a girl can dream...about ships and dolphin kisses and hot-lanta...

hot in here

i don't know if it's summer or spring, but the heat is coming fast and furious. and the only way i've found to get used to it is to get out in it and melt. which is what i plan to do this afternoon while mike works in the yard. no, i don't plan to help, because i hate to get my hands dirty, but i plan to read and work and swelter in the sun. i just backed out of a sketchy project and now have much more free time on my hands, which is nice. i hate to get all stressy when i'm freelancing. that's so not what it's supposed to be about. so now i'm getting back to basics--reading, swimming, walking, working. i only wish the weather was like it is today every day, so i could do this year round.

which came first

am i tired because i'm lazy? or am i lazy because i'm tired? i can barely stand to sit at the computer right now, and it;s not like the sun's out calling to me. i just want to crawl in bed with a good book and an orange cat and nap and read the day away. i guess, since i don't have anything due, there's nothing wrong with that. and why am i so hungry? if i didn't know any better, i'd think i might be pregnant, but since that's medically impossible, i will just attribute it ot the fluctuating weather. winter one day. summer the next. then winter. then summer. wash. rinse. repeat.

love the job thing

never in my wildest dreams did i think i would be researching old kings stats as part of my job, but here i am digging through the espn website (thank god for the internet) as research for a story i'm doing for the kings magazine. and to think i gave up a windowless office working for a psycho bitch for this! quitting that job was both the least professional thing i've ever done (going in with my posse in tow for support and quitting with no notice--me bald, chemo sick and tired, literally) and also the best thing i've ever done for my own career. funny how some life events can be both the best and worst at the same time.

lightning rod

that's what i am. really. i seem to attract shit, but that's ok, because i've learned how to make shit pies over the years. after we found out sally has breast cancer, i finally verbalized to mike what i've been feeling since i was diagnosed. i thought that since i had it, no one i knew would get it. naive, i know. especially since those lovely odds are one in eight, and i do know more than eight women. so now i'm thinking, because sally and i both know cynthia, does that make cyn exempt (god i hope so!). and since i've told sheri about sally, does that make sheri exempt (again with the god i hope so!). is it like alice's chart on the l word? can it all be traced back to me? i don't want anyone else to go through what i had to go through. i remember after 9/11 thinking i would gladly trade my life if it would bring back everyone who died that day. and three months later i was diagnosed with cancer. be careful what you wish for...

why i'm glad

not just because i now get to do what i love for a living, but also because i now realize i don't have time for dead weight in my life. whether it's a crappy client i kick to the curb, or a stale friendship i refuse to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, or just a careless comment from a stranger, i now seem to have a coat of armor i never did before, where those things slough off of me like dead skin. although i still occasionally get upset about some things, i don't need to curl into the fetal position to cope. nor do i stay upset for days on end. all of which is to say, even though i still have ups and downs, cancer has taught me to let things go like i never did before. it's a good thing, too, because otherwise i'd have so much baggage i'd have no room to move around.

rain II

when it rains, it pours, and i ain't talkin' 'bout the weather! i thought this week would be relaxy-taxi for me, but yesterday i got a huge project and a smallish one, all due asap. most of the huge project should be easy peasy, as well as the smallish one, if only i can get a hold of a bunch of rich kings ticket holders in the next two days. big or small, it's all good. but there goes my chance to get ahead on work...who am i kidding, i never would have done that anyway! but it was a nice thought.

100 reasons

i have a conservative friend/acquaintance who, for the most part, i have nothing in common with except for the fact that i filled her shoes in two jobs. she worked at pcbc, and when she quit there to go to search, i got the pcbc job. then when she quit search to have her second kid, i took her job at search. both jobs sucked. now she has four kids (she just had twins not long ago) and lives in elk grove in a cookie-cutter with her accountant husband. don't get me wrong, she's a really nice person. anyway, the last time she was at my house, she wanted to see my desk in my office, and there was my "the only bush i trust is my own" bumper sticker on my monitor, and my big "100 reasons not to vote for bush" poster on the wall. although she knows i'm liberal, we steer clear of politic talk for very clear reasons. today the sun is out and i'm in no mood to work. why do i not take these slow opportunities to get ahead, and instead fritter my days away until i have deadlines looming? and why is it that some of my best work is the end result of the last minute crunch? i so did not used to be this way. but then again, i used to have to dress up for work and sit in a cube and listen to boring people talk about boring things in meetings all day. but i never procrastinated. go figure.

rain

while everyone else is wondering where the sun went, i'm loving the rainy days. not just because we need it (water shortages and all that) but because i love overcast drizzle. which is why i imagine some day mike and i will end up in portland. maybe when we retire (does a writer ever "retire"?) or maybe in 10 years or so when we no longer have many ties to sacramento. we've been to portland twice together, and both loved the midtown-like neighborhoods and lush landscape. there are trees galore for my little tree-hugger husband, and plenty of parks to wander in. in fact, for those who've never been, it's pretty much sacramento, but without the 100-plus degree heat for five months of the year. and i know i can take the cloudy weather, because i lived in the portland burbs for four years when i was younger. yesterday we took a rainy drive to napa for mother's day lunch, and despite the rain (i'm sure mike did not have fun driving in it) it was a great day. although mike's mom and i have had our differences in the past, the three of us always have a good time together. especially when good food and alcohol is added to the mix! katie will be home wednesday, and i always look forward to spending lots of time with her when she's here. and since this may be the last summer she comes home between semesters, i plan to hang out with her as much as she can stand me. she's the closest thing i've got to a sister (besides the one i have--but she doesn't count because she's psycho). i like to think i'm a positive influence on her, but the truth is she's more of a role model for me than i am for her--other than the nose piercing, which she did first!

bait and switch

looks like the car we were supposed to buy on saturday was actually sold in early april, so why they had it on the lot for people to test drive (and fall in love with) is beyond me. so again, no wheels for me. but since i'm a firm believer in fate, and since josie at schools was off this weekend anyway, and since it's the race for the cure saturday and now we won't feel like we have to run/walk the whole thing, and since it's supposed to rain on sunday for our drive to napa and i was worried about taking our new car, it all works out for the best. it actually just took a weekend that was going to be crazy busy and surely chock-full of fights between mike and i, and turned it into a fairly relaxing one where we can enjoy the race and "reflect" (as mike says). this will be our fourth race since i was diagnosed. the first one was during treatment, about halfway through chemo, and i remember wondering how many more races i would go to. i still wonder that...

here i sit

last time mike had to report to jury duty, there was a woman constantly talking on her cell phone, and she would say, "here i sit."here i sit. waiting until the clock strikes 10am so i can call another concrete guy and have another boring interview and write another story about a boring guy and make him sound exciting. yesterday my wrist was 50 percent, and then in the middle of the night flynn decided to knock my lamp over and i grabbed for it with my bad arm, and now i'm back to negative percent. feels like i just got the cast off this morning. good thing i have nothing due and can spend the rest of the day channel surfing and napping with kittens. or maybe i'll start reading one of the many books i have sitting on a chair in my office waiting patiently for me. i think i hear the books saying, "here i sit."

waiting

i had an interview scheduled this morning, but of course the guy wasn't ready so now i'm waiting for him to call me back. at least it will be on his dime, but it still irritates me. after all, one of the (many) reasons i quit the corporate world was so that i did not have to fall victim to others' schedules anymore. at my last job, the one that almost killed me with stress and i partly blame my cancer for, my boss was notorious for making everyone work around her lazy-ass schedule. and i've had many, many more bosses like that. in fact, the only boss i've ever had that was an even earlier bird than i am and respected it was cynthia--one of the many reasons she's one of my all-time fav bosses and why we're still friends to this day. she is one cool, hip mama friend, and although i love visiting her in san diego, i so wished she still lived in sac, because now that i'm older/wiser, i think we would hang out more than we did when she lived here. she is one of a handful of women that i both respect/look up to and admire for all she does in family/work. and, of course, her kids are damn adorable. and her hubby. she's the sister i wish i had. well, my client just called and he rescheduled, and i can't exactly blame him because i had to do the same thing to him last week when i optimistically thought the day i got my cast off i would be able to write. ha! no such luck. but the hand/wrist/arm is about 40 percent back now, so i'm scratching away and of course typing like mad.

cable

why is it that the best shows on television are always on cable? i was watching my favorite show last night (the l word) and was heartbroken when they said there were only two new episodes left this season. it seems like it just started back up, and now i have to go through withdrawals again for what will probably be another year??? it's bad enough dead like me got canceled without so much as a squeak, now this? yes, i used to watch sex and the city, but i do think it was starting to be past its prime, and i love six feet under, but it hasn't been quite as good as how it started. so i was overjoyed when i stumbled upon my little l word. guess i'll have to check out the sopranos and see what all the hype is about, or queer as folk, which i've heard so many great things about. or maybe i should shut off the damn tv and get some work done and read the million books i've been hoarding and the bazillion mags i scribe to. nah...i love me some tv.